You too can be confident

For a group of people, swagger comes naturally. It’s almost like an inherent trait; optimistic, helpful and conniving two-faced bitch.

I’m referring to the good looking people. The head-turners. The ones you stutter when in the presence of. Have you ever met a good looking person who hasn’t had swagger? Few, and unlikely. What’s griping is that they don’t even have to try. They have lesser people flock to them and fawn their good looks to no end. People are just in awe of them for no reason.

Sometimes, I get a cheap thrill out of watching modeling pageants. They’re eye candies, no doubt, and they have bodies of steel, but let’s keep the talking out of our conversation. They either have a squeaky voice that doesn’t match the face or they try too hard to be intelligent. You know, the face must match the brains!

Still, they are the envy of many. Economic crisis? No fear! I can just relegate to being a hunk on Deal or No deal, or an air stewardess on Oceanic Flight 815 (what? Nobody’s watching LOST anymore?) Every mistake for them is a learning opportunity and every mistake gets us fired.

They strut instead of walk. The pavement is a runway for them.

What is it that they have that we don’t? Why are the people around me so attracted to them?

No, it’s not terrifically good genes. It’s Confidence.

Confidence attracts others like a magnet. You must have noticed that the most popular guy at the party isn’t necessarily the best looking one. He is the one who is always humoring the others. No, not the clown.

God knows I have spent the last few decades trying to build up my confidence. I’m not exactly a big fan of hers, but plugging “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera on repeat helps a tiny bit. Of course I think it’s easy for her to preach; she’s pretty like a doll!

What would pretty people know about low self esteem and low confidence level anyway?

My journey hasn’t exactly been a smooth ride. I can feel so good about myself and I can even appear to be charming to those with an acquired taste. I can be a lauded writer, but once I chance upon the Facebook profile of a handsome 23 year old dude, complete with 1436 pictures that depict his very shallow life of late night partying, shirtless beach parties, all of that is shattered.

I can’t hold a candle to a 23 year old who is …. good looking!

Perhaps my perception of what true confidence is wrong. I automatically assume Zac Efron is a confident person. Make that fiendishly confident. None of us would ever imagine a celebrity to suffer from low self esteem.

You must have known by now that my definition of confidence is just skin deep. So if you go by my definition, it’s a black and white situation. Either you’re confident or you’re not. Okay, maybe there is a grey area; cute.

While I know that being pretty to look at definitely gives you an edge, it is self confidence that wins others over. To be fair to them, good looking people remain only as good looking people if they didn’t have confidence too. But they have it easy, that’s all I’m saying.

But I am on the right track to seeking true confidence enlightenment. One of the first steps to building confidence is to first identify your insecurities. I know I’m not great looking; I get “cute” on my best days. I have a choice. I could either get a surgery or I could live with it.

I choose the latter. I can’t afford the former right now.

Ladies, do you feel compelled to wear push-up bras to give your cleavage a tight squeeze? Fellas, are you spending an alarming proportion amount of time in the gym and finding yourself wandering around aimlessly?

Good! You have identified your insecurities and you’re effecting a change in your life. There’s nothing wrong with a little deceit to get you through your days. But true confidence can only be achieved when you dust off your insecurities with a little pad on the shoulders.

“So what if they’re small? At least they’re real!”

And I admire your optimism. We can be confident people too if we bother to take the time to assess ourselves. And it’s not enough if you just address your insecurities.

It is imperative that you know your own strengths. We receive self assurance when we do the things we are great at. Because, let’s face it. When we do great, we receive praises and compliments. And nothing is a better ego-booster than praise and compliment. Your confidence level will rocket.

While it is good to remain humble, always take your compliments whenever you receive one. Share it with your loved ones! Be a rock star. Feel like a rock star.

When you feel like a rock star, be it in school or at work, you double your effort input. Many people neglect this. They go on their lives, never finding the need to tap in their potential. They remain at their desk jobs for years, preferring to work at a safe job.

Playing it safe will never you earn the SWAGGER title!

If you have a knack for basketball but live behind a sheltered life of a librarian simply because you think you don’t have balls the size of your fellow sportsmen, your true potential will never shine through. And talents that are buried remain as such.

If you yourself don’t even know what your strengths are, nobody will. Feel strongly about your strengths! Pun so intended.

The converse is true. Never allow yourself to feel inferior to others. Inferiority can seriously inhibit your confidence. Wallowing in self pity isn’t going to get you anywhere in life.

You could be up for the position of Regional Manager, and you pull out of the running at the last minute when you discover that you would be competing against a fresh University graduate. The size of your balls shrinks when you feel her presence. You think that your bag of experience doesn’t quite match up to her qualifications.

You move two steps back when you decide to feel inferior. Success only happens to those who believe in themselves.

The ladies should be familiar with the last point. For many nights now, you fine ladies have been faking orgasms to increase the confidence level of your husband and boyfriends. Of course, they run off after sex to brag to their buddies just how great they are at pleasuring you. Their ego gets bigger.

If you can fake it for the sake of others, you should fake it for yourself!

Of course, I don’t mean for you to moan at the top of your lungs wherever you go. I want to illustrate just how pretending to be confident can get you to places. It is not about being delusional. It’s not about being a smart aleck and blowing your own trumpet.

It is about believing in yourself.

You gear yourself up to be a confident person and sooner or later, you begin to BELIEVE that you are one. You don’t say no to new challenges. When you find yourself stuck, you have the confidence to ask the next door all-knowing nerd.

And the nerd, choosing to live in recluse, doesn’t get the credit. You become the ultimate go-to person. Can you spell swagger now?

And don’t worry about falling flat on your ass with fake confidence. How do you think those good looking people muster the courage to enter Mr. or Ms Universe contests? Yes, people laugh condescendingly at their efforts, but you will always hear them a sympathetic voice that says, “hey, at least they had the confidence!”

And that, my friend, is swagger.