If you say that, then, naturally, you will never have swagger. But the start of an uphill climb is always the toughest. So, we thought we should break the monotony of all things good and bring you a special edition of …
… Celebrities that DON’T have swagger
They’re gross, they’re vile. If you don’t have an idea of what swagger is, it’s fine. Just don’t EVER end up like these celebrities. And we do use the term “celebrity” loosely.
1) Kevin Federline
We know, we know. He’s past news. We know, we know. Too many jabs have been delivered to this poor bloke. But his name conjures to mind when we are researching. We will unabashedly admit: we envy him; he gets alimony from you-know-who, so he gets to laze around and still be rich. What privileged lifestyle, aye?
Why the thumbs down: We don’t know what his parents told him, but you don’t just decide to drop all of your life just because Britney Spears comes knocking on your door. Already a father out of wedlock, this is not a responsible thing to do. Oh! Not to mention, he had just impregnated the SAME girlfriend with his goods before he took off. So when he was flying around town with arguably the biggest pop star in the world, his girlfriend was home, preparing for her second pregnancy all by herself.
What a wiener.
And don’t get us wrong. We’re all for hopes and dreams and aspirations. We think tenacity is a very important trait in life. But only when you are meant to do what it is you think you should be doing. And for Federline, it is not singing. Sorry. We meant, rambling. Sorry, we meant rapping.
If your rapping career begins with you labeling yourself as “America Most hated” in your lyrics, it’s pretty much done.
Knowing your weaknesses and your limitations are important if you wish to succeed in life. If you keep flopping miserably, you are just wasting your time. Move on to another project or pursue another talent.
If you need to try TOO hard at developing swagger, something’s wrong.
Bad economy or good economy, we will never pay to see him.
2) Amy Winehouse
The UK singer has a mesmerizing voice that makes you wonder: was that a man or a woman? That is why we are all hooked on her mega hit, Rehab. It brings out the defiant rebel in us too! We tell the world you don’t get to tell us what to do when we sing the song out loud.
Why the thumbs down: But we wish someone would put her in rehab. Anyone who just left Mars would never have guessed that this monstrous looking woman was once a 5 time Grammy award winner. In between drugs, altercations and bailing on scheduled performances, Amy Winehouse has lost herself. And a tooth.
We are genuinely scared out of our wits when we see pictures of her coming at us in a skimpy bra. Long periods of drug use have debilitated the singer’s health. And it shows; you just need want to handle all her pictures delicately because you’re so afraid the pictures would break, like her bones.
It’s a waste of talents, really. We always feel that when you have so much influence and power that come with being a celebrity, you should use that to do good. Inspire your fans to be a better person; inspire the people around you to tap into their talents.
When you run around looking like a crazy woman, you are sending a message to your impressionable fans that it’s okay to follow suit. That it’s okay to assault a cop and that it’s okay to do drugs.
And we have a problem with that.
3) Chris Brown
One of the most promising celebrities of the millennium, this RnB crooner used to be quite the teenage heartthrob. With impressive titles of songwriter, dancer, singer and performer to his name, we were quite envious of this young talent. His songs were burning up the Billboard charts, and many adulated his talent.
Were, being the operative word.
Why the thumbs down: In news that shook the entire music industry, 19 year old Chris Brown was charged with assault for hitting Rihanna. And not in a sexual, SM fetish kind of way. In this day and age of technology, it wasn’t long before pictures of a bruised Rihanna surfaced. And she was in a pretty bad shape.
A good man will NEVER hit a woman. Young boys and men take note. We don’t know if we can ever look at Chris with the same kind of envy anymore. Now we have nothing but disdain.
So he made a mistake and had sought forgiveness. Shouldn’t we forgive him? We should absolve him, after all he’s just 19, no?
No. Not long after the unfortunate incident, he was seen partying at clubs, and even enjoyed a holiday in Barbados. Now we hear he’s back with an ex girlfriend. We don’t know who is dumber; ex girlfriend or George W Bush.
We understand the need for escapism, but if you are truly sorry for what you have done, a little feel-good-time is the least of your priorities. It makes it harder for us to forget the incident.
A man or woman with swagger doesn’t resort to violence. Remember that.
4) Lindsay Lohan
She used to be the apple of our eye. She was 15 and had a lot going for her. Who can forget her cute performance in Mean Girls? Her little freckles made her personable and we warmed up to her. Fans of chick flicks we are not, but there is something so pleasant about her movies.
Why the thumbs down: If only her life was a movie we were watching. The 23 year old has been embroiled in a string of controversies thereafter. First, she was straight, and then she was a lesbian. Before you know, she’s straight again. Pick a side, woman! You give all the gays a bad name.
She became the face of a party girl. Often seen with a cigarette in hand, many would think of her as the poster girl for swagger. We don’t. Young people have a warped mindset of what is hip and cool.
What’s definitely not cool is she now faces criminal charges stemming from a previous DUI. Once, she passed out in the front seat of her car. It wasn’t a very flattering sight. Ever since, she sobered up and got back to working again. We had such high hopes for her.
It wasn’t soon before reports of her being fired off the set of Ugly Betty came to light. We can’t help but question her professionalism. Recent paparazzi footages that surfaced depicted her losing her mind after she thought she lost girlfriend Samantha Ronson.
When you let external factors like fame get to your head, things can spiral out of control. Once a revered celebrity, soon you’ll be a tabloid figure of the past.
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